Travel to Past

How can I explain it? How can I tell that lately I feel so much of the nothingness inside. And lately I dream about my past. The life where once I was a kid. I realize that I'm still me inside that small body. However I just can't change the past. Just like travel in time just to see what happened but can change nothing because I stay in the body with the current consciousness. But yet the past consciousness of me is controlling. Which I made me wish that I can control that small body next time if I ever travel again.

And what will happen if I ever control that body and change things. At least the current me know what is the better decision that I should make because I've seen the outcome. Or can I communicate with the that consciousness? Is it me or just somebody else? I know, nobody can answer this. Unless the One who knows everything. I'm so amazed that He let me to dream and think on these silly questions.

Somehow, as a human, I can't help myself to cry. I wake up every morning and there are always tears. I know things will get better, time by time a mother forgive, a father come back home, and sisters smiles. Those dreams are just dreams. Past is past. But I'm still me. :)

This One Girl

I know this one girl

Who is as beautiful as Aphrodite

She claimed that she’s a poet

A beautiful poet

That’s her

She’s a jazz singer

Her voice is unique

Never heard anything like hers

She sings only soothing’s one

But she’s gone now

She just stop

Don’t where she is

But her poems,

Her voice is still in my head

Men Are Hunters

Is that true?
That men are hunters?
They hunt her
Then they love her

It is instinct too see her
They feel it
They feel once they see her
They see someone they desire
They feel that burning desire
They get ....

If she can feel it through heart
They different
They feel it through ....
They feel it faster than her

They would flirt with her
They'll get excited and hard
They need to be touched
They want to touch her
So much they do

She feels love
But they want it like 4 times a day
They get so .... and cannot control
Their thing get hard
Their thing wants her touch

After then
They are slightly more independent
Yet, they desire it again later
They'll hunt again.

Walking Path

I walk in a long straight path
There's no exit along the path
But sometimes I have to walk on the broken glasses
I have to walk in fire
I have to walk through the thorns

Upon of years walking
I've met a few people
That would walk along with me
That fade away all the pain
Never thought it is temporary..

18-09-14 /0138

A few days ago I dreamt about that guy. In my dream he calls me and says sorry for leaving me without any words. Then I cry. It's so weird that when I look into the mirror my face changes into other person's face. A bit thin, have a nice straight bang covers my forehead, and sweet dimples. Wow that's not me at all. I wear baju kurung nicely. And people treat me so well. They are all lovely.

All those things happened in my dream, which I wanted it so badly to be true. Yea not really. I haven't wish to have a straight bang and some dimples on my face. But yeah.. if it really happens then I'll be happy.

About that guy. It was a very long time ago. I was in love, but he never takes it seriously then left me. Without any goodbye, i waited him for about a year. Then I realize that it was useless. He's so happy with somebody else while I cried every night alone. It was sad though. But I think that's what makes me so strong now.

I don't know why he did that. But if I have a chance to talk to him again, I would say that it's okay to tell me the truth that he doesn't want me anymore and I'll be okay soon. At least I wouldn't want him for most a year. I don't mad at him, but I think I deserved an explanation. I understand if he don't like me because of my personality or even my appearance. He has right to choose.

I felt sorry to him and myself that I couldn't be perfect for him. And now I'm in dilemma. I know a guy but our love seems stuck. That I cannot talk to him because his mother don't like him to talk with me. I can't blame his mother, because she deserve her son more. But I'm confuse either should I move on or stay. I hope I'll make a better decision soon.